General Knowledge

Now, I like to think that my GK is fairly good. I know the longest river in the world, the tallest mountain, the deepest trench and the Electoral College votes of Ohio that might swing the election. Heck, I even know what Electoral College means. But is that enough? Let me tell you, how yours truly was broadsided by a 100 feet wave in an 80 feet boat.

So this guy walks up to my desk. He is carrying a box of sweets and is wearing a patched t-shirt, which in a hurry he might have worn inside-out. No wait; it was made inside-out especially to irritate me. Now, if I were a loan officer, I thought, approving a loan to this guy was like triggering sub-prime crisis right there. He thrust a box of sweets in front of me asking me to partake a kaju-katlee or two. “What for?”, I asked out of habit. “I bought a unicorn.”

I was aghast. If this were a Disney cartoon, my face would have turned in to a question mark with a feeling that a horn is jutting out of that mal-formed question mark.

“I sold my pulsar” – he quipped.

Ever let your jaw drop when your face has already metamorphosed into a question mark? It is really painful.

I mean, how stupid do you have to be? Selling a celestial object that you can’t even fathom owning and buying a mythical creature, that does not even exist in story books these days! OMG!

Trying to remain as clam as possible, I started framing a sentence at the back of my mind - “son”, getting into a cocky Jack Nicholson style but being sympathetic at the same time, “you have been conned. Now, if you need help, I will offer everything. The first thing you might need to come to terms with this is psychiatric help. Now, don’t get me wrong…oh first sit down, calm down. Here, take a swig of water.”

None of this came out of my mouth. But he was quite chirpy. It appears the old pulsar was becoming creaky. Ya ha… may be after a billion years it started loosing its hydrogen – or whatever it is that powers the pulsar.

But then subtlety hit me on the forehead. These are bloody bikes that bother me so much on the Pune roads. And this bum had just exchanged one for the other and was offering me sweets for that. With a cheerful face, I took the sweet, congratulated him and was happy that none of the words came out of my mouth showing my ignorance.

Y'all

Is it that many Indians speaking in phony American accent have just inherited this phrase from the south of Mason-Dixon or do we, in a meeting, looking at a bunch of people we look for a plural of the pronoun you?