32E

For all the flying I have done, I have been very faithful to Delta. So much, that one of the flight attendants, Sunanda Braganza even recognizes me whenever I board a flight in Mumbai or Paris. And being a medallion passenger has its own advantages.

This time though, it was time to break the tradition. I was booked on KLM/Northwest and true to my nature, I was apprehensive about the service.

The ride from Pune to Mumbai was uneventful. And so was the security check before check in. For some reason, the security guy wanted to know who will come pick me up at the airport in US. Yeah, who? The complimentary bus service from the hotel!

Upon check-in, I asked for an aisle and Prithpal, the check-in agent started punching so many keys on his computer that it was a harbinger of things to come. I was politely refused an aisle seat and that’s why the frustration coming out at the Wi-Fi zone of Schiphol!

MD-11 design is weird. Nay, it is made to frustrate the passengers and restrict their movements giving a good reason for deep vein thrombosis. Who ever makes a plane where five people sit in a row? And who ever assigns the seat smack in the middle of this row to me? Why me? Why the 38 unlucky people who shared the same fate as I did? As soon as I sat down on the seat, I felt like cramped down. As luck may have it, the passenger on my right was metabolically challenged and a game of elbonics ensued! We were both wrestling for the elbow-rest. Her elbow being so large, it did not leave me even a millimeter….

Then the food and beverage service – I never knew who was going to serve me – the flight attendant on the left or on the right? I was thirsty. But the flight attendant on the left ignored me and went ahead. Welcome to the club of middle-seat MD-10 under-achievers!

The flight attendant on the right was still 3-4 rows behind and I was thirsty! I hoped I would be visible to her. At last, I was given the chicken sandwich and a glass of 7-UP. See, no Sprite – NW already loses its marks, and now it is hurting itself even more.

When they come to collect the trash, the lady on right – who served me – now ignores me! So does the lady on the left. Hey – there is something here you came looking for…don’t ignore me!

When the breakfast comes at the break of the dawn, the lady on right – Prin – interrupts my music and asks – Egg or Veggie? Egg please. Orange Juice? Please, thank you. When Antoinette, walks on the left, Coffee? Coffee? Coffee? Me = invisible! When she walks on the right, Coffee? Coffee? Coffee? Me = invisible. When she walks on the left, Tea? Tea? Tea? Me = suddenly visible. But I wanted Coffee! I will get some for you sir. Thanks.

When Julienne collects trash, me = invisible. When Prin collects trash, again, me = invisible. God, why did you make that E seat on MD-10?

Now about the in-flight entertainment – the magazine, in Japanese! Japanese you ask? Yes. Japanese! If you read Japanese, please travel via Northwest. The movie, there wasn’t any. Oh, wait – there was. But for the screen position, all I could see was Abhishek Bachhan and Ritesh Deshmukh from chin-up (not that I was sorry, but since I am complaining, why not one more?). And radio? I could never figure out the channel number because the control was so weird – made by the right-handers, for the right-handers. And since I could not figure out the channel number, going back to what I was listening awhile ago took many guesses. The food was barely average, but then we are used to it anyway…

Schiphol airport though was a pleasant experience. The walkways are wide, shops are nice (but costly) and transfers are easier than Charles de Gaulle transfers are. The Wi-Fi service is not free. Again, I don’t ask why – they may have their own reasons.

n.b. penned at Schiphol, posted from Newark