Not Without My Daughter

I needed to do something, for I was bored of doing nothing. There was lot of cleaning still to be done. I ruffled through raddi - old newspapers that sell for kilos - and found two Marathi books which were not a part of the raddi, but kept there nevertheless. Both the books had pretentious English titles one on Reflexology and the other “Not Without My Daughter”. The latter was a gift from my sister to my father. The unread copy of the book with plastic cover and all was gathering dust. Days without TV (it's all going to change, I just have to decide if it is going to be cable or dish and then I will be back to complaining I don't read as much) renew my attention to books. Well, Not Without My Daughter it is then I said to myself and picked the book and sat on the kitchen chair.

From 10:30 in the night to 4:45 the next morning I read continuously, so gripping it was. Betty Lover of Michigan had married a brilliant engineer AND a doctor, a passionate and devoted man of Iranian origin - Dr. Sayyed Bozorg Mahmoody a.k.a. Moody. Her two weeks vacation along with her and Moody's five year old daughter Mahtob to Iran turns into a year-and-a-half long nightmare under virtual house arrest. Moody changes terribly after coming to Iran and does not want Betty and Mahtob to return to the US. According to the Iranian laws, marrying an Iranian automatically makes Betty a naturalized Iranian and their daughter a property of her father and father only. Betty plans her escape along with her daughter and is successful eventually.

Those were the days of mid-1980s, 84-85 to be precise - Reagan era in America, abdication of the Shah of Iran is still fresh in the memory and establishment of the power of the Ayatollah and radical Islam in Iran. Those were the days of Iran-Iraq war, death and destruction. Those were the days of renewed and persistent calls for death to America. It is in this environment that Betty and Mahtob find themselves clad in a chador - the veil, little freedom, no loved ones around and under watchful eyes of Moody and his family lest they run away.

Betty's ingenuity is commendable. More commendable is her endurance and steadfastness. She does not breakdown like her American acquaintance that accepts her husband as her protector, Koran as the last word and resigns herself to her fate. Physical and mental agonies do not describe the 300 odd pages. Since her husband was her owner now, no one interferes in his violent fits leaving Betty to her fate.

Reading the book in the post 9/11 days and Bush policies though gives you a different perspective. The book is full of hatred toward Iran and Iranian people. Well, under the circumstances it may even be justified. Archaic laws, inhuman treatment and domestic violence that Betty and Mahtob suffered and overall state of the society in Iran does not call for mild words. But it is interesting to note a few things. While Betty blames everything on retrogressive laws and radical implementation of Islam, Moody blames everything on duplicitous policies of the US. Who is more correct? Makes you think, doesn't it?

Some other observations are also interesting. Betty finds homes and especially kitchens of all her Iranian relatives very dirty - infested with cockroaches and all. As a rule, women did not clean the meat or rice before cooking and no one found it wrong to eat cooked larvae (porkiDee aNi aLyaa in Marathi) that came along with your rice, wastage of food, especially sugar was gallore. Cleanliness in shops and bakeries was limited and bathrooms and restrooms were unsuable because of stench and lack of hygiene. Betty complains about size of Turkey (one Thanksgiving that she hosted), taste of strawberries, Iranian bread and everything. May be it is me - for I may try to look for the other side of the coin - but I find it difficult to accept everything at face value. Or may be it is just the anger venting. It also appears that Betty never tried to integrate with her Iranian relatives - even during the peaceful two week vacation period. Of course, treatment given to Betty for the rest of her stay seems to have made her sore. And to be fair, she has kind words for those who helped her and those who felt genuinely sorry for her condition but were helpless. Betty also acknowledges that not every Iranian was bad, after all.

On another note, looks like radical Islam is making in roads in to India too. The All India Muslim Personal Law Board and the Shi'a Personal Law Board have published revised codes of conduct and nikahnama - nuptial agreement - with some disturbing changes from what I read. Razia Patel writing for the Sakal describes some of it. The law board seems to have taken away women's right to go to court over divorce. Following the nikahnama means you relinquish your right to go to court and the right to arbitration rests with the male dominated law board. We seem to have taken lot of steps in wrong direction since Shah Bano case. Women's organizations' demands like right to alimony, mothers' right to children, governmental registration of wedding and divorce have been ignored. The much touted women's right to file for divorce, that the law board calls progressive step, the columnist claims has been around since the 1939 code. Some steps already taken by many other Islamic countries like no polygamy or permission from the court before second marriage, no verbal divorce etc. have also been ignored. One more step in the wrong direction. And we will be a developed country!